(Source: inspiredjoyfulchaos, via meaningfulnonsense)
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(Source: 100reasonstorecover)
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So when the eating disorder was at its worst, I can definitely say I felt worthless. What was the point of feeding myself? I felt like a waste of space, so what was the point in making that space even larger?
Then as I began treatment, a transition happened in my thought pattern that has allowed me to actively strive to be healthy. I guess you could call it a sudden awareness of my insignificance? It sounds depressing but it’s really not. Instead of mulling over how useless and horrible my existence was, I decided to get over myself and use the life I was given for something good. Sure, I still felt like an overprivileged, undeserving human being, but I now had a mission to turn my own self-hate into a life of looking out for everyone else.
I’m still on the journey towards the closest thing to complete selflessness that I can possibly achieve and this new mission has forced me to take care of myself. Because if I have no energy, I have nothing to contribute to the world around me. I’d be stuck in my own head all day counting calories and….well…thinking about myself. Maybe it’s my own form of escapism or whatever, but it’s working so far! I am the happiest with myself when I’m not thinking about myself.
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(Source: 100lbsdown)
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Going to try and post something about my progress every day to keep me from forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing.
In the beginning of the summer I gained ten pounds and I’ve still managed to maintain that weight.
I can also eat now whenever I feel like it without feeling guilty about not waiting 6 + hours.
So this is all good news. The only thing I’m stuck on is the calories. I don’t want to stop counting calories completely because I’m afraid I’ll lose weight, but I can’t count calories without being obsessive.
….Help?
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(Source: disneyladiesfromlastnight)
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anorexia, I do not want to give my relationships to you. anorexia, I do not want to give my friends to you. I do not want to give my life to you. anorexia I dont want you.
(via swim-hope-music)
